


Wilting Flower

by isobel__smy



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Background Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Demons, F/M, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Major Character Injury, Protectiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-08-09 09:41:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7796896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isobel__smy/pseuds/isobel__smy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Isabelle Lightwood was 9 years old, her mother had sat her down and explained that  being a Shadowhunter was the most important thing she would ever be, and that this had to come before anything else. Maryse had told her that being a daughter, or a sister, or even a wife to a fellow Shadowhunter was less important to the mission. After telling her that, she had gone on to informing Isabelle that she was to make Maryse proud by being a perfect Shadowhunter.</p>
<p>- Isabelle Lightwood is attacked by demons in a solo hunt</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wilting Flower

When Isabelle Lightwood was 9 years old, her mother had sat her down and explained that being a Shadowhunter was the most important thing she would ever be, and that this had to come before anything else. Maryse had told her that being a daughter, or a sister, or even a wife to a fellow Shadowhunter was less important to the mission. After telling her that, she had gone on to informing Isabelle that she was to make Maryse proud by being a perfect Shadowhunter.

Isabelle had tried. She was already top of her theory classes, she trained extra hard for the self defense lessons, and she did everything her parents asked of her: fight more, learn more, try harder. By the age of 13, she was ready to be a Shadowhunter. Her parents loved her. Of course, they loved Jace more.

Since she was a girl, there were still some Shadowhunters that doubted her skills. Boys in Idris laughed at her when she tried to tell them she could easily take them all on. But she had persevered, and soon she had killed more demons and protected more mundanes than all of them- even Gabriel Butthead Jones, who had asked her out once and became a pain when she said no. She thought her parents would be proud of her.

At the age of 15, Isabelle Lightwood was an expert in all her fields. She killed demons and saved mundanes. She was starting to help run the institute with her parents and Alec. But she was a disgrace in her falling apart family. She was dating a downworlder, a seelie who she had saved one mission. She hadn’t realised anything was wrong with it until her Mother had come into her room and yelled at her for failing.

From the age of 15, Isabelle Lightwood became her own person. She still killed demons and saved mundanes. She still went out on all her missions, she was still good back up for Jace and Alec, and she still helped with the Institute. But she also went out to clubs, dated anyone she wanted, and disobeyed her parents rules to help Jace or Alec. Being a shadowhunter was still important to her, but she knew she wasn’t going to make her parents proud.

At the age of 21 she had met Clary Fray, who was a fierce girl who also didn’t care for the rules when they were pointless. By then, she had a good life. Her parents didn’t love her, and constantly made comments about her life choices, but Alec and Jace loved her, she had a good thing going with Meliorn, and she was a fantastic shadowhunter still. Missions were fun because she got to be the distraction, and she often went out anyway. She simply tried to not think out her parents’ disappointment, or Robert cheating, or Alec ruining his life, or how everyone thought she was a slut. 

At the age of 24, Isabelle Lightwood was lying on a cold gutter down some strange alleyway. It was dark; no one walked past her, and no one had heard her screams or pleas for help. She lay on her side, curled around her middle, where blood was staining her gear and turning the gutter red. It hurt, and she was scared.

She felt a tear run down her cheek as she stared at the graffitied wall in front of her. She couldn’t move; both her legs had been broken by the demons, and her arms were shaking too much from the blood loss. Her stele was tucked inside her gear, unreachable, and she was somewhere she had never been before. Even if Alec realised in ten minutes that she wasn’t coming back, he wouldn’t be able to find her time.

She realised that no one would notice for at least a day. Alec lived with Magnus now, he wouldn’t even know she had gone out on a solo mission. Simon was with the coven. And Jace and Clary were away on holiday, so they wouldn’t notice her absence. And no one at the institute really cared. They would just think she had gone out clubbing and didn’t bother telling them. This thought made her even colder, and she tried not to cry harder.

When she had thought about dying, which she had quite a lot, she’d imagined someone would be with her. It had been her mother, then Alec, and then all her friends. Alec, Jace, Clary, Magnus, Simon. She had imagined she would die feeling loved, and she’d hoped she would have had a little longer. She had dreamed that she would have been able to at least tell them she loved them… But her phone had smashed in the fight. She was alone.

And then, she started to cry.

She hurt, and she was bleeding, and she was alone. The alleyway was dark, and the cold bit at her. She was remembering two nights ago, when she had fallen asleep in Simon’s arms, or five days ago when she had gone over to Magnus’ and seen Alec happier than ever before. She was remembering her Mother’s hugs, and her Father’s grin. She was remembering how it felt to be strong and powerful. 

Her body jerked, and she whimpered. It bounced of the walls and echoed, which made Isabelle feel even more alone. She hadn’t trained for this. She’d felt alone in her life before, yes. She had felt despair and panic and pain. But not like this. Never like this.

Her vision started to fade, and her chest tightened. The alleyway became darker until it wasn’t a wall anymore, just a black tunnel. She couldn’t feel her wound, either, which Isabelle took as a miracle. She was going to die, so at least it wasn’t going to hurt.

Instead, she decided to imagine she was somewhere else. She imagined she was at Magnus’ apartment. He had changed it so that they were in a soft, comfy looking room with low lighting. The tv was on, showing Mean Girls. Magnus and Alec had curled up on the loveseat, their usual arrangement, Jace and Clary were on the floor, and she was with Simon on the couch.

Simon was partially below her, his arms wrapped around her waist. Even though he was a vampire, he still felt warm next to her. She smiled as he kissed her forehead, and gave him a piece of popcorn. Everything was very warm and nice and fun. Everyone was around her. 

Everyone was starting to fade. She started to panic, grabbing on to Simon’s arm and blinking fast. But there was no Simon, and she was back in the alleyway, alone and cold. That wasn’t the deal, she was meant to be able to peacefully sink into death. 

“Isabelle!”

That voice wasn’t peaceful. It was a bit panicked. It was extremely panicked in fact, and sounded a little scared. Isabelle could have also sworn she recognised it, but that may have been the blood loss. “Izzy, open your eyes. Come on Izzy…” They were calling her name, which meant she did know them. Maybe a Downworlder had found her and knew who she was. Or maybe a mundane had found something on her that told them her name. Not her phone though, that was broken. “Oh g- Oh g-” Strange, she thought, how they seemed unable to say god.

“Izzy, come on, please. Wake up for me, please. I can’t lose you. We were supposed to go on a date tomorrow remember? And I was going to ask if you wanted to get a place with me, and you were going to say yes and then in a couple of years we were going to get married and have cute little babies… if I can even have babies… Oh. Or we can adopt. That’s cool. But I want a future with you and-” The voice shuddered to a stop, and Isabelle tried to remember the name of the guy she loved. It must have been him. “You can’t die, Izzy, not today.”

The cold was getting colder, and the pain was getting worse too. She whimpered. “Oh g-. Izzy, hey, you’re awake. You need to concentrate on my voice, okay? I’ve called Alec, he’s gonna bring his shadowhunter stuff okay? You’re gonna be fine. And if they can’t heal you and you don’t get better, I’m going to have to bite you. And you won’t like that and then you’ll kill me and it’ll all be a waste of time so… you should probably just heal.” 

The voice was getting fuzzier in her head, which meant she was probably getting closer to death. And this voice seemed pretty adamant that that was a bad thing. But death would mean peace, and the pain was so bad. Her mother had also told her to make her proud. Dying whilst on a mission shows dedication and bravery… She would finally make her mother proud...

And then she remembered something. She had been hurt on a mission. Not badly- just a few scratches that didn’t need an iratze. She had carried Alec, who had a broken leg, to Magnus’ and then walked to the Institute, preparing herself for a long night writing a detailed report for Maryse. But when she got home, Simon was waiting just outside the wards. He had lifted her up, and taken her to his childhood house. He had run a bath, put her in soft pyjamas, fed her, and then held her close when they had fallen asleep. It had been peaceful, and the scratches hadn’t bothered her at all. Her mother hadn’t cared about her scratches, but Simon did.

And it was Simon talking to her now, begging her to stay with him.

Did she want to make Simon proud or her Mother proud?

She tried to open her eyes.

“Hey, stay with the voice Izzy. I’m sure Alec is nearly here. I think he is bringing Magnus as well. So they might be here very soon because Magnus has magic…” His hands were on her. He was holding her head to something hard, probably his chest, and his other hand was holding her wound too. “So did you hear about the house thing? Because that was totally meant to be a surprise.But I guess you know about it now… I think we should get an apartment in Brooklyn. Near Magnus, but not too near Magnus. So you can see Alec more often, I’m still close to the Clan and my family, but we still have our own little spot away from the others. You would like that right?”

Simon was babbling, but Isabelle decided it was probably a good thing that she could link Simon and babbling together. It meant she was still alive and kicking. Though maybe not kicking. She tried to smile at Simon, even though she couldn’t see him. He should know that his arms around her had saved her.

“Oh my god, Izzy-” Another voice- Alec’s this time. 

“Okay, Simon, I’m going to try and heal her. You will need to hold her in a position that isn’t too painful but you can keep her in, okay? She is going to want to thrash a bit, and we don’t want that. Where is the main injury?” That was Magnus, and he got Simon’s name right. That didn’t happen unless Magnus was serious. And that was really rare, and reserved for things like Valentine killing all the covens, or for when Alec scratched his knee.

“Stomach, here.” Hands were moving her, and the pain got worse. She tried to scream, but couldn’t get it out. Instead, she heard a soft whimper. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Hey Izzy, it’s Alec. Simon’s got you, and now I’m here too, and Magnus is going to heal you. You’re going to be fine. And he’ll only charge you your entire makeup collection, okay?” There was a pause. “I’m joking, by the way, I was just hoping that you would believe that so you would wake up to try and kill me. Which is better than this.”

The pain suddenly got worse, and Isabelle screamed. It didn’t come out as a whimper, or a cry, but a scream. The pain was red hot, and it burned. It flashed through her body like a nightmare, and turned out the lights.

When Isabelle Lightwood was 5, she had fallen over and scraped her knee. It had bled and bled and bled, and she had cried all day. Alec had stuck loads of his comic book plasters over the cuts, and her mother had made her her favourite soup and sung her to sleep. When she was 10, she had been hurt in training and broken her leg. It had really hurt- more than the knee- and she had cried a lot. The other children in the room had laughed at her tears, and her mother had rushed her out of the room. Alec had cuddled her and braided her hair and told her stupid jokes, but her Mother hadn’t sung to her or made her soup. Then, when she was 17, Isabelle Lightwood had been badly hurt in a hunt. Her pain tolerance was pretty high by then, so she didn’t expect it to hurt so much when the demon threw her through the wall. Turns out it had broken half her rips. Still, she didn’t cry. Alec still kissed her forehead and brought her soup, and braided her hair. He bought her a bracelet from town, and had stayed with her. Her mother checked in on her once, asking when she was going to be able to go on missions again. She never cried because of physical pain again. Until she was dying.

Isabelle Lightwood blinked. She was in one of the infirmary beds, with the covers tucked around her like she had liked them as a kid and being blinded by the famous white lights of hospitals. She was faintly aware of people around her, and she could even hear a few of the words. 

She couldn’t remember what had happened. As she shifted in the bed, she could feel a stiffness in her legs, arms, torso, and even her face. The demon that she had gone out to kill surely couldn’t have done something that bad to her.

But then she remembered the demons flying at her, screaming so loudly she had to cover her ears. She remembered how she’d tried to fight back, even so she could run away, but how they had surrounded her in a vicious circle, all biting and clawing and shoving. Flinching, she recalled one of them throwing her up in the air, and another one pulling at her arm. She whimpered, and tried to get away from the monsters that were trying to kill her.

And someone’s hands held her arms down and they were cool and gentle enough that Isabelle knew they were Simon’s. If Simon was here then she was safe, so she stopped thrashing and started to breath in deeply. She opened her eyes again, and saw Simon.

His eyes were bloodshot, and there were shadows under them. His hair was messy- though probably less so than hers- and she could feel his hands tremble as he took them away. “Izzy,” he whispered, blinking at her in wonder. “Hey.” He lifted a hand, and touched her cheek. It was so soft, but it caused a stinging sensation, which made Isabelle wince. “Oh g- sorry.”

“You saved me,” She whispered, her throat dry. She stared at Simon some more. “You saved my life, Simon Lewis.” She tried not to cry. “I didn’t think you’d notice I was gone for at least a day.”

“Isabelle…” Simon blinked rapidly, looking rather horrified. “You thought I wouldn’t notice?”

“Well, you were with the coven. I thought you would think I had just fallen asleep before texting you and tomorrow, when I didn’t text in the morning, you’d wonder.”

“Izzy, you texted me you were going on a solo mission. I went straight to the Institute to wait for you. When you didn’t turn up, I got worried. So I went looking. And then…” He paused, blinking again. “I smelt your blood.”

“And you saved me.”

“Well, Magnus did do some of it.” That was Alec’s voice. It came from beside her, and she tried to turn her head to look. When that didn’t work, she simply shifted her eyes. Alec was sitting next to her, head propped up by arms resting on the bed. He also looked exhausted. “But I don’t think he wants to be thanked with all this PDA. Well… I don’t want you to and you should probably respect my request.”

Isabelle had known Alec long enough to know this was one of his cope mechanisms. “Alec.” He smiled at her, sat up, and kissed her forehead. “Thank you.”

“You’re my little sister, Izzy,” he whispered. “I am always going to be there for you.”

“How bad is it?” She asked, because it felt pretty bad. She wondered if she was paralysed.

Alec sighed. He looked pointedly at Simon, who nodded. Isabelle’s heart beat a little faster; she was still petrified. Simon took her hand, the one that wasn’t already in Alec’s, who had also taken one. “It’s pretty bad, Iz. Magnus was able to stop the bleeding and… heal some of it, but you still broke a lot of the bones in your body. And it seems that one of the demons had the power of lightning? And the stab wound was incredibly deep.” Alec paused, and Isabelle held her breath. “Your legs are pretty messed up, and will take months to heal properly. But they will heal. You arms will also heal over time. Your stomach stab wound is already healing.” He was leaving something. 

“What haven’t you said, Alec?”

“You’ve also got a pretty big scar on you face. It’s on the left side. The bruising will fade but the scar will not.” 

Isabelle took in a breath. She knew this wasn’t bad. This, in fact, was a miracle. She could still go out on missions, she could still walk and talk and do everything she wanted to do. She should have been grateful. But if she had a scar, she couldn’t be beautiful. And Isabelle wasn’t stupid, she knew she was still a pretty epic person, but would Simon still look at her the same? Would anyone look at her the same?

“There is one more thing.” Alec’s voice was slow, and steady, like he didn’t want to shock her. “And I’m so sorry, Izzy.” She stopped breathing, because what else could there be? She’d already broken most of her body, already got an ugly scar. What could the demons have done to her worse than that? “I’m so sorry.” Alec squeezed her hand, and Simon seemed to move closer to her. 

“What is it?”

“The blows you took to the stomach… They were pretty bad,” Simon said, “And there was nothing Magnus could do. Nothing any of us could do.”

“We looked everywhere, Izzy, we promise. We looked at every one of Magnus’ books, we asked Tessa, Catrina, Raphael, the Institute, the Silent Brothers, we summoned a couple of demons, and Simon even went to Mexico to ask these monks if they could help,” Alec said. “But there was nothing. And now…” Alec stopped, took in a deep shuddering breath. “Well the blows affected you pretty badly. So you can’t have any children.”

-

Isabelle stopped breathing, because there was no way she could have predicted that. She’d thought she had prepared herself for every possible injury she could have sustained. She had imagined being paralysed, brain damaged, actually dead and them being a hallucination. She didn’t ever think it could be that.

“What?” She asked.

It was stupid. She had never really thought she would have kids. She could die any day, and she didn’t even know if she wanted them. But now she was told there was no way to have them? Now she wanted them so badly. Her babies, with Alec’s eyes and Simon’s hair and her nose. Two children running around, playing hide and seek.

She wondered if Simon had ever dreamed of kids. She vaguely remembered him talking about them, but was not sure if that had actually happened. If he did want kids, would he stay with her? Because now she could never give him what he wanted: children. His children. She panicked. Would Simon leave her?”

“I don’t understand. None of the blows were that bad. Why can’t I have kids? There must be a cure!” She babbled, letting go of Simon’s hand and blindly grabbing his arm instead, in case he tried to leave. “I don’t understand.” And she started to cry.

A hand touched her face, smoothing down her hair comfortingly until the crying started to become quieter. “It’s alright, Izzy.” It was Simon. “It’s going to be okay. It sucks you can’t carry any babies and you can’t get pregnant, but neither can Alec and Magnus. There is always adoption. You will make it through this. We will make it through this.”

“We will?”

“Yeah.”

She smiled. Her chest was empty, and she knew she still wanted to cry about her unborn babies, but Simon had said they would get through this, together. Which meant he wasn’t about to leave her for someone who could carry his child. And they could adopt- though maybe not a mundane child considering she was a shadowhunter and he was a vampire. But they could adopt. And, she remembered, he wanted to live with her.

“You were going to ask me to live with you,” She whispered to Simon, who instantly blushed. “Tomorrow. I remember you telling me.”

“Well, I was… Yeah. I mean, I would like that so I-I figured I might as well ask. I haven’t started to look at places yet though… Because you haven’t even agreed to it. You may even hate the idea.”

“I don’t hate the idea. I love it. We should start looking for places at once,” She grinned, trying to ignore the thudding of her hollow heart or the tears threatening to spill. “You must bring me a different house catalogue each time you visit me.”


End file.
